Monday, May 7, 2012

Keeping up with all the BS.

There is always an excuse not to work out but it's like I always say - Excuses are like the Kardashians. They sound good at first, but you quickly realize that they are just dumb and irrelevant. So why is it that we constantly look for excuses? Probably some of the same reasons why we continue to watch the Krapdashians:
  1. It's easy
  2. Little to no stimulation involved
  3. Better than facing reality
I touch on 'excuses' a lot because it is something I hear everyday. I mean if I had a penny for every excuse I heard, well you know, I'd be really rich. I mean really rich. Rich beyond your wildest dreams. Not Oprah rich but definitely up there. Sorry, I digress.  

So, what is this all about? Your excuses! I'm going to lay out the excuses I most often hear related to exercise, fitness, and nutrition. My goal: To make you feel absurd for even thinking of the excuse. To make you feel guilty. I'm going to guilt you into working out and taking care of yourself. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!

1."I don't like working out"
I DON'T CARE! You think Barack Obama likes having to clean up somebody else's mess? Do you really believe that republicans like having Mitt Romney as the GOP candidate? No, of course not. You do it because the alternative is much worse. 

2. "I just looovvveee sweets"
You know who else loved sweets? John Candy. Didn't end well for him. Clean up your diet! You don't need to eat like Madonna (said with a British accent) but a little improvement will go a long way. It's not worth the medical bills and the parking fee at the hospital. 

3. "It's so expensive to join a gym and hire a trainer"
Not more expensive than the millions of things you bought and never used, the insane amount of money you spent last weekend on drinks, the iPad 2 you just purchased because your iPad 1 didn't have an 800 mega pixel camera, or the those really pretty shoes that cause your feet to bleed but they look soooo good. I just saved you a lot of money!

4. "I will just stick with Pilates. It suits my body"
You and David Copperfield have something in common. You are both masters of illusion! Congratulations, you like to pretend that you work out but you really don't. If you are someone who only does yoga or Pilates, do me a favor and cancel your gym membership. Go home, put on your favorite Kenny G song, play the movie Beaches in the background, and wave your hands in the air for 30 minutes. You will get the same benefit. 

5. "I don't have time to work out"
Really?! You better be curing cancer. 

6."I do so well during the week but the weekends are so hard for me to stick with it"
Have you just been released from prison after 10 years? What you mean to say is that you have no will power and you like wearing size 36inch pants. 

6. "I hate cardio"
I love cellulite. 

7. "I can't get up in the morning"
You know who else can't get up in the morning? Dead people! Are you dead? No, so get your ass up and go for a run, hike, jog, or bike ride. FYI most gyms are open till midnight. 

8. "I'm too old. My body doesn't work the same"
You're right. You should probably just call it quits and head to a retirement home. Give me a break!! Look at Susan Summers! That bag of bones is still going strong. 

9. "I'm just so exhausted after work"
Could you imagine what would happen to this world if everyone shut down after 5pm? We all get tired but the secret to not being tired all the time is EXERCISE! I promise it really does work. 

10. "Nothing works for me"
Hmmm. Your body must work differently from every other human on this planet. 

That's it! Those are my top 10 excuses. I'm sure many of you have used one, two, or all of these excuses at one point or another but hopefully you saw beyond it. Hopefully I made you feel 
1) That you are not alone with your excuse(s) and 
2) You need to stop wasting your time finding reasons not to live healthy. 
The truth is that there is no secret. No magic pill or machine that is going to get you in shape and live healthier. You have to do it yourself! Nike has it right. They had it right since day one - Just do it.